To My Granddaughter as She Goes to College

Here’s a letter I sent to my oldest granddaughter the week she headed to Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff, AZ.

Dear Emmy,

As you begin your first year at college, I’m full of both pride and a bit of worry—a mix of excitement and nerves. What follows is a bit of advice, but not commandments. Maybe see it as a gentle lantern, one providing a wee small bit of light, making the path ahead a tad easier. These are lessons learned, stumbles I’ve made, and joys discovered when I began a similar journey, fifty-seven years ago.

Embrace Freedom/Face Fear

The moment you step onto campus, you’ll observe a strange paradox: exhilarating freedom colliding with waves of uncertainty. Even though it was over 50 years ago, I recall this feeling well – excited expectations combined with massive jitters, insecurity and fear. I loved no longer living with my parents, at last on my own, but at the same time, terrified. Every flutter felt like failure.

You are not alone in this. Each new student is navigating a sea of unknowns. Be easy on yourself. Anxiety in college is more common than anyone admits, with over a third of students affected. A feeling of “Do I belong?” or “Can I really do this?” isn’t strange, but almost universal.

Seek and Find Your People

In college, the friends you choose will shape your daily life, your study habits, even values. Take your time finding your tribe. Sometimes, the first friendships are more about proximity than deep connection. They can blossom or fade. Be patient. Gravitate toward those who accept and encourage the real you, not those who make you feel smaller for your quirks or vulnerabilities. Avoid toxic people—sometimes it is better to stand alone briefly than be swept up in the wrong current. If you struggle at first, my best idea, (right after talking to your Kenyon Alumna Aunt who cultivated a group of life-long friends there), would be to volunteer for a cause you care about. Remember, everyone else is also looking for connection, whether they admit it or not.

Be Bold, Ask Questions, Try Stuff

College academics are tougher than high school. The volume of reading and complexity of ideas can be overwhelming. That said, I know you, and you are capable. Adopt a study routine that works for you. Work first, play later. It is so easy to procrastinate—a lesson I learned the hard way. Don’t be afraid of asking for help. Introduce yourself to teachers and professors, attend office hours, and ask your questions, no matter how basic they seem to you. Students who reach out intentionally often find unexpected mentorship and support. Take setbacks in stride, think about your weeks in the boundary waters and adopt that same attitude. A failed test or tough paper is not the story of your career, it is just one page in a very long book. And we all know how those sorts of books can be.

Discover Yourself

This is the time to pursue what lights you up. Look for opportunities to shadow or get close to those doing what you think you want to do. Explore courses and clubs outside your comfort zone. The best advice I ever got about college was to “find what you love and immerse yourself in it”. There is no way to predict what will ultimately spark something in you and make you unable to imagine a future without spending all of your time on that one thing. And don’t worry if you don’t find it in the first, second or even final year of college. Hell, it was 15 years after I got out of college before I found what clicked for me. But all those intermediate steps and experiences will make your purpose so much clearer when you finally find it. It will make you feel alive and motivated like nothing else. This means occasionally saying yes to new experiences—attending a poetry reading, joining a hiking group or ski club, trying out for a play, or traveling if the chance arises. This is the time to wander and follow where your curiosity leads.

Self-Care Is Not Optional

You cannot do your best if you are running on empty. Sleep, eat balanced meals, and move your body—even a brisk walk tames stress and can clarify a worried mind. If anxiety bubbles up, try to name it instead of running from it. Give yourself permission to take breaks: listen to music, watch a favorite show, or stroll the campus. Self-care may be as simple as getting enough rest, drinking water, calling home or reaching out for help. Far from being a sign of weakness, asking for help is a profound act of strength and self-respect.

Let Go of Perfection

You will make mistakes. You will feel lost at times. Perfection is not the goal; growth is. “Life isn’t about finding yourself as if you were already lost. Life is about making yourself into the person you want to be”. Each misstep is a lesson, not a definition. If you’re disappointed or homesick (and there will be moments), remember: these feelings pass. The ache means you have loved deeply and been loved in return.

Stay Connected

Call home—not just when you’re struggling, but when something makes you smile. Let us come up and visit you or come down here. We’d love the chance to cheer your victories or help shoulder worries. You can build independence without severing the roots that gave you strength. Share your thoughts. I promise to be a non-judgmental sounding board for your ideas – not to judge or fix, just to marvel and to listen. What else are grandparents good for, anyway?

Be True to Your Values

College is a place of diversity, challenge, and sometimes, temptation. Keep close the values that matter most to you and don’t be afraid to revisit or reshape them as you grow. Trust your instincts—what feels wrong probably is. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not those who would drag you down. 

Advice for Anxious Days

When anxiety whispers that you aren’t enough, or that you don’t belong, remember: these are feelings, not facts. You are brave simply for being there, for trying, for caring enough to want to do well. Practice deep breathing, write down your fears, or walk them off. You are not alone, even when it feels like it. Every step outside your comfort zone grows your courage a little more. Give yourself credit for those small wins.

Remember, you are loved

Finally, know how deeply you are loved—not for your successes, but for your heart, your kindness and, your unique view of the world. We are already so proud of who you are, and we can’t wait to see who you will become. College is a chapter, not the whole book. Live, learn, stretch, stumble, and soar. When  unsure, return to this lantern and know you are never truly alone on this journey.

With all my love,

Grandpa